He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
