Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
