Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
