Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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