Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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