I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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