I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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