Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
