Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
