She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
