So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
