i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A+ Viking dick
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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