I will die if light touches me.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
