I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
