If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
