At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
