So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
