we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
