I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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