Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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