I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
