I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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