he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
