Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
vagina is talking i cant
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
