just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
