I think I am morally bankrupt
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
