I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
