She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
