Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
