i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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