I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
