Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
