How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
