Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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