Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
