i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
