I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
