Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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