just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
NoShamevember. You game?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
