I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
