is your mom at the bar?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
