me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
