Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
