I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
