dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
