Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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