his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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