my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
