Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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