Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
