You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
