we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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