I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
