with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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