I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
