this beer tastes like vomit already
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
