Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
