So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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