she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
