I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
me + whiskey = a bad person
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
